Response to Questions Ragarding My Ritalin Post

In response to reader's questions about my earlier post I will try to give the best answers I can.

The drawing and the 'essay' were done 10 years ago and I have no idea what happened to them (I actually did quite a few over the couple of months). At the time I wrote/drew them I thought they were masterpieces, yet I didn't care enough to keep track of them over the years. If I still had them I would have posted them as well (unless I realized they were just a rambling by some speed freak). I really never planned on telling anyone about my Ritalin days, as I am kind of embarrassed of my addictive personality. If I go even 1 day now without weed I get so irritable I end up throwing my mouse at the wall when I take a beating at the online poker table.

As to what I thought of my works after I became 'sober'. Both the drawing and the writing were something I could never have done off Ritalin. I am not really artistic in my sober life and I don't have the ability to sit for hours to create the detail I did that night. When I saw my 'artistic works' when I was not using I still thought they were damn good. The drawing especially. The writing was not bad either, better than anything I have written since, yet tended to be over worded containing descriptives I never think of when I am grounded.

Regarding the question about my ability to follow up on my speed fed plans of financial monarchy. The plans I came up with were so outlandish, so ridiculously investment intensive that I would need a team of employees to implement them. And since I was broke as shit at the time, I realized they would never come to fruition. Not to mention that I hate talking to random people (though I am very good at faking it).

'What did others make of your output?'

Nobody knew that I was using Ritalin at the time. I was sure to keep it a secret, just like now no one knows I go through a quarter of weed every 5 days. I only showed the drawing to my girlfriend. She (true to her fashion) said it was 'nice' and dismissed it. The writing no one ever saw, but damn, the pumpkin was sharp.

Getting Zombified

By the second month my self prescribed doses got stronger (sometimes up to 200mg a day) and I did experience the zoning out described by others on reddit. I remember needing a whole lot of weed just to counter the effects of over medicating myself. I also ended up becoming so focused on a single detail of projects I was doing that I would spend hours sidetracked and eventually my original idea would morph into something totally different.

Some of my other memories of my Ritalin days are,

• Traffic - I had to drive for a living at the time and dealing with the freeway traffic at 5 pm every day used to drive me crazy. When I was on Ritalin I no longer cared about traffic. I drove the speed limit. I didn't mind when some asshole cut me off. I would constantly give other drivers the right of way, and I would make a complete stop at all stop signs. This was the opposite of how things were before I started flying on speed.
  
• Sunflower Seeds - I went through a large bag of sunflower seeds (ranch flavor) every day. That was all I would eat all day, every day. I drank about 2 -3 1 liter bottles of Mt Dew daily. I lost about 20 lbs. in those months and never got hungry once. (What a fucking tweaker I was)
  
• Penmanship - My writing became much neater and easier to read. For some reason when I was high I would want to write in cursive only. I usually print in all capital letters when I write something on paper, but there was something about the beauty of cursive that made me want to use it. For all the 'essays' I wrote in those months, I really never had to erase or scratch out something, which is the complete opposite of how I normally am.
• Cleaning - Some days I would spend hours cleaning my house. I would clean under the refrigerator, around the window sills, door jams, anything I could see dust on got cleaned. Since I am a slob at heart this was way out of character for me.
• Sex - Not a chance. On Ritalin I couldn't get it up to save my life. This did make my girlfriend a little skeptical, but since she was a fucking prude anyway it wasn't really an issue. It wasn't like I tried to have sex and couldn't. I just didn't try to get any, hence her skepticism.
  
• Cigarettes - My smoking went through the roof. I went through 2+ packs a day, smoking one right after another. I remember having this weird feeling in my stomach, almost a nervous feeling, that made me want to smoke, constantly.
• My mouth - I would suck on my lips a lot and bang my teeth together. This might account for tooth loss in a lot of tweakers these days. (Not to mention it strips your teeth of enamel)
  

Throughout my days of Ritalin abuse I learned a lot about the way my mind works. I have developed a sense of understanding that if I try any drug and I like it I will get hooked, so I decided long ago not to try crystal, crack etc... However, if someone offered me Ritalin now, I would gobble it up in heartbeat, then I'd be off to Photoshop.

Here is where I should tell you not to try this because of the harmful side effects and the tendency toward dependency. These are just my personal experiences with Ritalin and may not be indicative of the normal reaction. I cannot tell anyone what to do. Please make your decisions wisely.